yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She bit a glass in half.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
