I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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