Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I am mentally ready for anal.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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