Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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