there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize