Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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