i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
