I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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