I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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