I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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