i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Define "chronic" masturbator.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
