there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
