Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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