So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
