I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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