You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
