i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
