I want to have your abortion
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
