I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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