Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
