Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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