I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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