Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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