I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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