I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
