the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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