This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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