She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dick very happy bro
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