who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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