Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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