i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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