There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
