I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
