Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
