i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
