one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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