I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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