I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
