Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
