we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
