who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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