The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
