why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize