Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
