Umm I'm too high to move.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
