4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
