I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
