I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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