Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you had me at cake vodka
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
