Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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