Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
only you would photoshop your dick
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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