Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
