I wish I could teleport
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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