people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
