i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
