Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
