so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
