I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
