The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There r osticjed everywhere
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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