she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He passed out mid-signature
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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