I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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