i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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