The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
